[Recorded] Twenty-First Night

[There's a lot of wind going on, and the occasional splash of saltwater. She's out flying over the ocean so that's normal. And then there's the sound of gurggling water for several minutes.]

I wonder if this is magic, or a shifting in the ocean floor blocking regular currents. Iggy? Is there a way to create a small scale explosion underwater?

1 Spade

ALRIGHT, I GUESS THE BEST WAY TO GO ABOUT DEALING WITH THIS MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION IS FOR ME TO LIST THE FACTS. OH BOY. AS IF THIS SHIT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BAD ENOUGH, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS BY HAND. WHO'S FUCKING BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO SEND ME SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A COMPUTER? HOW THE HELL AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANYONE? WHATEVER. LIST:

1)I'M NOT ON ALTERNIA. THERE'S A FUCKING SURPRISE.
2)THIS IS PROBABLY SOME GOGDAMN GAME CONSTRUCT.
3)THIS FUCKING BOOK HAS TO BE SOMETHING SPECIAL, I KNOW IT, SO I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO KEEP WRITING I GUESS UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS. I'LL PROBABLY BE GIVEN SOME VAUGE FUCKIUNG CLUE PRETTY SOON. THAT SAID,
4)I'M NOT SOLVING ANYMORE STUPID RIDDLES. I WOULD RATHER SWAN DIVE INTO VAT OF ACIDIC MUSCLEBEAST SPOOGE THAN SOLVE ANOTHER RIDDLE. I WILL JUST SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR THE FUCKING RECKONING IF THAT'S THE CASE.
5)I THINK I'M THE ONLY ONE ON THIS PLANET, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN OR BEEN CONTACTED BY ANY OF THE OTHER CHUMPS, SO AT LEAST SOMETHING GOOD HAS COME FROM THIS.
6)I CAN TELL YOU NOW, IF JOHN HUMAN EGBERT TAINTBOTTOM HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS, I AM GOING TO SHOVE MY SICKLE DOWN HIS PROTEIN SHOOT AND WATCH HIM CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY HATE.

RIGHT THEN. I THINK THAT'S ALL I KNOW RIGHT NOW. SWEET MERCIFUL JEGUS, I NEED TO GET A FUCKING COMPUTER. WRITING DOWN ALL THIS SHIT SUCKS THE HUGEST BULGE POSSIBLE.

Oh. Dear.

[There is a mass of scribbling, as if the owner was just letting down emotions of panic.]

H-hello Journal. I am Sentimental Komuro Micheal Sakamoto Dada-Sensei (I hope I can somehow communicate to people I meet that my shortened name is Seccom Masada-Sensei). Where has my spaceship gone? Where has my piano gone? I am only on this island with the clothes on my frame.

I have tasted the big blue liquid. It does not taste good, I'll avoid it for now.

[The writing is almost illegible, the writer clearly was emotionally agitated.]

Where is that girl? My mind is full of questions but no one understands me. They all speak in a way I can hear them, but no one can understand me when I try to talk, and I do not speak like them. I want to go back to my spaceship. I will write more when I figure out a way to communicate with the residents here. Maybe they have seen the girl, I can ask her to take me back to my piano and bed and white walls.

[There are ink blots on the page... wait, no, they are a black fluid, the color of dried blood. Seccom's tears.]
AND BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE--!

27 naughty words; recorded

Shit, I better open this fuckin' place before any more workers disappear. Not even gonna bother ask if anyone's seen Marcus-- that cuntsnacker's long gone. You can always tell it.



Anyway. [a clearing of his throat, and suddenly, Showman Jan is on scene!]

You poor sad fuckers that still gotta eat shit ever find your sorry asses hungry? Craving something quick and easy, that some other jerkoff slaved over instead of your lazy ass? Well have I got fucking news for you!

Junkhouse Ramen's opening again, fuck yeah! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of that shit when Lyle and Karin packed up and left, right? Well fuck you! It's back! And, uh, needs some workers. Get your asses down here for noodles or employment or whatever. We don't, y'know, bite.

(no subject)

I'm starting to understand what a cat must feel like when locked in an empty room all day.

I haven't seen a certain reclusive writer for a while so I'm coming to the conclusion that he's vanished from the island one way or another. There are a number of books he left behind though, so if they were borrowed from someone I tidied up his chambers so you can get them at any time.

I think there are only three or four vampires left now. It's... difficult for me to come to terms with having so little to do.